The Middle of Nowhere #17
About Neon Genesis Evangelion, media comprehension, social callouses, and to be in tune with our elements.
I binged Neon Genesis Evangelion in about 4 days. I watched End of Evangelion in the theater the same day as I finished the series. By this point, I was exhausted. Everyday after work, I would emotionally ravage myself by proximity to the tragedies in the show. As much as there are Big Bad Angels Shinji, Asuka, and Rei had to fight, it was mostly an exercise in self worth, our relationships with the lives we lead everyday. What do we get up everyday for? Why don’t we just run away? Is the fight worth it when the end comes all the same?
This reactivated a lot of bad memories from the past few years. To avoid recounting stories I’ve told many times online and in writing (here, here, & here), I’ll put it this way: I hated my life. I lost everything. I couldn’t magically transport to a better destination. I hated myself. I never moved forward. I wasted so much time. So to see the characters in Evangelion act as vessels mirroring my own path of pain, it was intense, sure. But I found a lot of relief coming to experience another piece of art that reflected the weariness and the fight in my soul.
When it was time to finally tackle the film after devouring the series, I was ready to see how, or even if, Hideaki Anno would resolve any untied threads the show left behind. The film was expectedly brutal and stunning, once again interrogating our attitudes towards the chaos and the beauty of life. But rather than hold your hands, the film shows what happens when you wait until it’s too late and nothing is left. It was beautiful and a little somber. I did not expect to hear laughs when the theater lights turned on.
By all means, art can illicit plenty of different responses. There were definitely funny moments. But the end of the world happened, all I gathered from the audience was that they never saw a movie that ended so abruptly (there are credits midway through the film, I was more surprised nobody walked out by mistake.) There were other rumblings of how they didn’t get it. It felt like I was in a sea of children, merely letting what they watched wash over them.
This was no anomaly. Watching Dune 2 recently, I recall laughing frequently with the crowd when Stilgar dick-rides Paul Atreides. But I’d also hear similar laughs in moments of riveting violence, where the tone doesn’t dictate humor. There were a section of guys cackling at moments with Leonardo DiCaprio in Killers of the Flower Moon, as if his thickheaded, evil actions were from a place of absurdity.
In some sense, these could be various examples of how the common person lacks in comprehending the media they consume. Given the comic book coded snark in the modern blockbuster, it is entirely possible that many have no clue how to digest what they view as anything but sarcastic Content. But it’s a lot more than just media. We have been trained to look at everything in our lives as trivial. To be earnest is to be alien. To have empathy is to be naive. This is one of many ways they have come to pacify us.
I don’t know how immediately fixable this is. How do you make people believe in a world they believe will die anyway? The people laugh and scoff so they do not have to weep. The callouses given through modern day living have kept us from ever wanting to sincerely connect with grief and pain. We can’t be hurt if we never look inward. It’s all deeply fatalistic. If people don’t believe in the sanctity of their own humanity, how could we expect them to care for the sanctity of art?
After leaving The End of Evangelion, I left in silence and I sat in my car with the window down. I thought I would be more sad by the ending. It was abrupt, veering away from a true book closer the way that the original series had provided. The uncertainty usually makes for morbidity and unease. But I kept thinking about how Shinji remained when all else faded. After having every reason to embrace the end, he still chose to live. By that point, there was nothing left. But there was something really moving about his perseverance despite the inevitability.
It was cliche in the way you would expect. A ‘love conquers all’ kind of motif that usually minimizes some potent philosophy in the writing. But as I listened to people pass by in the parking lot, I felt their smiles in the cool wind. The series and film stuck to my heart then. As much as I loathed those in the theater who let the movie pass them by, I was just as much relieved in the connection they found amongst each other, no matter how seemingly vapid. I’ve always had faith in the art. When nothing else made sense, it always led the way. I’m still learning to have faith in the people, callouses, ignorance, failures, and all. But without faith in myself and faith in others, I can never truly love the art.
The Cut
PARTYNEXTDOOR is back y’all. I was talking to Zay the other day and he described his slump as ‘gifted kid burnout’ which is just as valid as claiming Drake kept him in a dungeon with Roy Woods. Regardless, these singles he has been releasing have been excellent. See “Real Woman” and how he intersects Young Thug-isms on the hook in cadence with his classic cognac and tequila fueled horniness that gave his early albums so much color. With “Resentment,” he flexes his ear for harmonies and melodies with a sharp pen for details. There is strong contempt but also plain disappointment in his voice when he sighs, “When in doubt, you run.” God, I hope the album is good.
On the inverse, Usher’s “Coming Home” is a real stinker. Where “Good Good” displayed Usher still has supreme instincts for a hit song, the rest of the album is particularly out of date. It’s evident he still feels compelled to play the Music Industry Game. Take his transparent attempts to tap into different markets working with Burna Boy on the faux-triumphant title track or the shamelessly tacked on collab with BTS’ Jung Kook “Standing Next To You.” Or he’ll engage in Despicable Me minion branded ad tunes like “BIG.” It’s a shame that someone with such a bulletproof rollout that ended in a stellar Super Bowl performance still deemed it necessary to follow the rules. His legend is beyond that.
I regret to inform you all that NLE Choppa has a hit on his hand. Through sheer stubborn will, he has avoided the fate of one hit wonder with Shotta Flow. I’ve seen some claim this curbs from NY Drill and Jersey Club in its tempo and drums but it’s so distinctly southern in its elements. There are these swampy Floridian chords married with the wacky repetition and animation of NOLA bounce. It’s raunchy but not in a gimmicky sort of way that NLE has co-opted before in his quest as a trend hopper. “If I was a bad bitch, I’d wanna fuck me too,” he screams to the crowd while doing the Digital Underground Humpty Dance. It’s absurd and primal in its horniness but it’s also just real enough where belief doesn’t have to be suspended. I need to hear this at a party.
I admire Gum.mp3 and how daring he is with the texture of his songs. As dexterous as he is with drums and bass, what really moves me on his new record Black Life, Red Planet is the color he infuses throughout. I’m particularly in awe of “Mars and Its Moons,” and how it navigates lounge and jazz, whether it be the soft chords illuminate the drums or the thick bass plucks that give the record its warmth. “Knowingness” is also strong, how to highlight the soul in sample without getting lost in the shadow of it. There’s this dusty quality to the song, like faintly hearing a song on the stereo in a parent’s bedroom. These sorts of intimate details are what keeps Gum’s music from being a casualty to the background listening of dance music.
Perhaps there is a deeper piece in me somewhere about this but I think Cash Cobain does not get enough credit for how delicately he handles the R&B records he samples. I wouldn’t say he’s not straightforward in his use but he’s tactful in maintaining the romance in these records. A lot of these sample drills are rather aggressive in their use, almost arrogantly flaunting the obvious flip alongside their bold horniness. Vontee the Singer’s “IMU” comes to mind here, dividing the overt whoring with an earnest romance that needs to be preserved to be truly effective.
“How do you make people believe in a world they believe will die anyway?” - Hideaki Anno answers this question with his Rebuild Of Evangelion series which should also give you the catharsis you’re looking for as End Of Evangelion was intentionally intense and abrupt
beautiful stuff